AFTER AN UMBILICAL HERNIA OPERATION, MY INCISION LEAKED.
SO I THREW IT TO THE INTERNET AND THIS IS WHAT I GOT BACK.

ORIGINAL IMAGE
THE WARM UMBILICAL MESS OF MY BODY PURGING UNWANTED LIQUID FROM MY TORSO.

ALIEN (1979)
THE COMMERCIAL VESSEL NOSTROMO RECEIVES A DISTRESS CALL FROM AN UNEXPLORED UMBILICAL. AFTER SEARCHING FOR SURVIVORS, THE CREW HEADS HOME ONLY TO REALIZE THAT A DEADLY BIOFORM HAS JOINED THEM.

Supplied by Thierry L, Vancouver

THAT LEFT SHARK
NO ONE KNEW THAT THE SHARK DANCING TO THE LEFT OF KATY PERRY DURING THE SUPER BOWL 2015 HALFTIME SHOW WAS LEFT SHARK UNTIL THE INTERNET TOLD US THAT HE WAS. GREAT WORK TO MATTY CLARK OF DENVER, FOR MAKING THIS MEMORY PERMANENT.

Supplied by Kenn MacRae, Los Angeles

MR POTATO HEAD
CONSISTING OF A PLASTIC MODEL OF A POTATO, WHICH CAN BE DECORATED WITH A VARIETY OF PLASTIC PARTS THAT CAN ATTACH TO THE MAIN BODY OR TO THE WARM MESS OF AN UMBILICAL INCISION LEAK. THESE PARTS USUALLY INCLUDE EARS, EYES, SHOES, A HAT, A NOSE, AND A MOUTH.

Supplied by Mark Thompson, Vancouver

THE EYE OF SAURON
THE EYE WAS RIMMED WITH FIRE, BUT WAS ITSELF GLAZED, YELLOW AS A CAT’S, WATCHFUL AND INTENT, AND THE BLACK SLIT OF ITS PUPIL OPENED ON A PIT OF UMBILICAL WONDERMENT, A WINDOW INTO NOTHINGNESS.

Supplied by Geoff Williams, Vancouver

IT’S SUMMER TIME!
A DELICIOUS FROZEN TREAT THAT COMES FROM COWS. ICE CREAM COMES IN MANY DIFFERENT FLAVOURS AND CAN OFTEN BE FOUND AT YOUR LOCAL GROCIERY STORE OR IN THIS CASE, STUCK TENDERLY TO THE SKIN OF MY STOMACH. SLIGHTLY WARM, SLIGHTLY CRUSTY, SLIGHTLY SALTY TO THE TONGUE.

Supplied by Dave Hendo, Montreal

OUR LADY GUADALUPE
ASSOCIATED WITH A CELEBRATED PICTORIAL IMAGE HOUSED IN THE BASILICA OF OUR LADY OF GUADALUPE IN MÉXICO CITY. THE BASILICA OF MY UMBILICAL RESIDES IN THE COTTON LAYERS OF MY BONDS SINGLET WHERE IS FESTERS WITH AWESOMENESS.

Supplied by Brad Kent, Amsterdam

THE CLASIC TAMPON
I WAS WAITING FOR THIS. A CLASSIC AND FUNCTIONAL CHOICE. AND YES, IF YOU WERE WONDERING, I COULD’VE USED ONE. 

Supplied by Dean Townsend, Melbourne

THE SUPER MARIO, GOOMBA SCAR
THE GOOMBA ARE A RECURRING ENEMY IN THE MARIO UNIVERSE. THEY ARE LOYAL MINIONS TOWARDS BOWSER, THE UNDERGROUND LEADER OF THE DARK UMBILICAL CLAN.

Supplied by Colin Gilbert, Vancouver

THE GOONIES
I CAN’T HELP BUT TO STARE AT THIS TWISTED IMAGE. IN MY MIND ALL I CAN HEAR IS ‘SLOTH’ FROM THE GOONIES SCREAMING OUT FOR A BABY RUTH!

Supplied by Andrew MacPhee, Vancouver

GRUMPY CAT
THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FELT AFTER HAVING A FEW DOCTORS CLIMB INSIDE THE DEPTHS OF MY STOMACHE IN SEARCH OF MY HERNIA. I STILL THINK THE HOLES IN MY GUT WALL WERE CAUSED BY TREMORS.

Supplied by Brooce Brain, Seattle

IRUKANDJI BELLYFISH
ARE SMALL AND EXTREMELY VENOMOUS BOX JELLYFISH THAT INHABIT MARINE WATERS OF AUSTRALIA AND GULF OF UMBILICAL. THESE LITTLE BASTARDS ARE ABLE TO FIRE THEIR STINGERS INTO THEIR VICTIM, CAUSING SYMPTOMS COLLECTIVELY KNOWN AS IRUKANDJI SYNDROME. THEIR SIZE IS ROUGHLY A CUBIC CENTIMETRE (1 CM3). I TOLD YOU THEY WERE LITTLE BASTARDS.

Supplied by Peter Henderson, Seattle